


Professor Poppins

by D_f_m22



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-28 09:30:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21134492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/D_f_m22/pseuds/D_f_m22
Summary: The Doctor thinks he can hide his new babysitting duties from Missy.But he forgets just how maternal she really is.





	Professor Poppins

“What’s that on your jacket?” Missy asked as she approached the Doctor and leaned in to make a show of an over the top inhale as she sniffed the microscopic smudge. “Yuk. Its baby spillage. Why are babies spilling on you?”

The Doctor’s eye widened in comic alarm and they almost bulged out of his head as he realised he had been caught out. He had been nearly certain he’d scrubbed any evidence of the most recent odd turn that his life had taken away, but evidently he hadn’t been thorough enough. Or, as was more likely, Missy would be harder to fool than Nardole and Bill. 

“I—” The Doctor started, his mouth opened and shut as he tried to come up with a believable excuse. 

The Time Lord didn’t want Missy to find out about the baby he’d recently been looking after, Nardole had kicked up enough of a fuss and Missy- who was unpredictable on her good days- reacted even stranger than normal around infants of any species. He had always been a sucker for a Damsel in Distress and when it had transpired that a young student was missing his lectures due to childcare issues, he couldn’t help but step in with his offer to babysit. He hadn’t anticipated becoming a viral trend- Missy would be most disappointed to know he had nabbed the nickname Professor Poppins before her. 

The Doctor felt an odd tickling sensation against his nose. As he looked down, he was shocked to see Missy leaning in even closer to get a better sniff of his jacket. 

“It’s human,” Missy scowled, as though that was the most offensive part of the baby’s vomit. “At least I know you haven’t procreated again.”

“Get away,” the Doctor hissed as he batted Missy away. “How would you feel if I invaded your personal space like that?”

Missy’s mouth opened into a wide ‘O’ shape and she made a show of winking.

“Oh Doctor,” Missy purred. “You musn’t tease a girl.”

“Behave,” the Doctor scoffed. He walked past Missy and collapsed onto the sofa- it had been a long day and looked set to get longer as Missy prowled towards him. “I’m babysitting for one of my students.”

“I know your students are practically embryonic, but I thought even they would be past vomiting on you. Or is Freshers again?” 

The words fell from Missy’s lips like honey- sickly sweet and full of innocence. At least they would be if they were landing on the ears of anyone that didn’t know the Mistress. The Doctor did know the Mistress and he knew that his students were the latest target of her disdainful wit.

“It was my student’s baby,” the Doctor replied evenly, unimpressed as Missy draped her legs over his lap and flexed her toes in his lap. “Single parent…I thought I’d help out.”

“Of course you did,” Missy drawled. “Got to keep that ego well oiled.” 

The Doctor sighed, but let her quip go and the pair fell into a heavy silence. Mere milliseconds passed before Missy was talking again. 

“How old is the infant?” She asked as she tried and failed to hide her curiosity. 

The Doctor’s lips twitched upwards- his friend had never been able to hide her innate fondness for the young of any species. It reminded him of a simpler time, when the babies they spoke about weren’t the offspring of a being thousands of years younger than them but their own instead. 

“About ten months,” the Doctor replied as he reached for his phone. “Want to see a picture?” 

Missy’s eyes glistened with hope- an emotion he’d thought her long incapable of- and she licked her lips. 

“You can do one better,” she said. “Bring the baby down here. I want to see it in the flesh.”

“Missy—” The Doctor started, face falling. “I can’t do that.”

“Why not?” Missy challenged. “I can feel its nearby. Sleeping in your office. Did the baby mama want a night out?” 

“How did you know that?” The Doctor asked, eyebrows creased together.

Were the Mistress’ psychic abilities that good that she could sense a being she’d never met before? Missy laughed in amusement, eyes trailing down to the Doctor’s front pocket where the outline of the baby monitor was just visible. 

“Its my excellent deduction skills, dear. Go and get the pint-sized pudding brain.”

The Doctor wavered- surprising himself as he considered her request. 

“I can’t,” the Time Lord sighed. “You know that. Don’t ask me to do it.”

Missy rolled herself up, tucking her legs under herself as she sat up eagerly on her knees. She was intent on convincing the Doctor and, in a way, he knew he was already fighting a losing battle. 

“Why can’t you?” Missy asked insistently. “You want me to be good, don’t you? What’s gooder than being nice to an innocent wee bairn?” 

“Will you be nice, though?” The Doctor asked. “I don’t know if I can trust you.” 

“Let’s do a deal,” Missy proposed. “In all the time that you have known me, have I ever hurt a baby? If you answer yes, I don’t get to meet it. If you answer no, I do.” 

The Doctor ran his hand over his face, accepting he had lost the battle and already formulating the ground rules.

XXXXXXXX

As the Doctor entered the Vault for the second time in one evening, he couldn’t help but wonder if he had gone as mad as his best friend. The baby- named Hugo by birth but self-titled Emperor of the Fairies- gurgled away happily in the Doctor’s arms. Wide blue eyes surveyed new surroundings, landing on Missy as she approached in a flurry of bright purple petticoats. The Time Lady’s hands were already outstretched greedily, eager to scoop Hugo up into her own arms. 

“Sit down, Missy,” the Doctor said softly as he ushered them all in the direction of the living area. “Don’t overwhelm him, this is all new.” 

Missy rolled her eyes but followed the Doctor’s instructions. 

“You have to be gentle, okay?”

“He’s not going to break,” Missy retorted. “Look at him, all shiny and new.” 

Reluctantly, the Doctor handed over the baby. Hugo squirmed momentarily before settling against Missy, still lethargic after his post-sleep bottle. The Doctor watched in interest as Missy rested her forehead atop the baby’s head and inhaled, an odd melancholy smile dancing across her features. 

“They all smell the same,” Missy sighed wistfully. “Don’t you think? All new and full of hope and a tiny bit magical. This one has a wee bit of magic in him- thinks himself Emperor of the Fairies.”

“You speak baby?” The Doctor asked quietly. “I didn’t know that.”

“Of course I do,” Missy scoffed. “I speak it better than you do as well. The babies on any planet, but especially this silly little rock, are the ones that make sense. They’re the ones that see things when the nearer-to-death ones are too busy with spreadsheets and money and all the other unimportant things.” 

“Like conquering planets?” The Doctor quipped. “Can’t imagine that’s as high on a baby’s priority list as it is on yours.” 

“Clearly you never met Julius Cesar’s children,” Missy said. Her sentence trailed off as she became distracted by the infant in her arms once more. “Eotf, what shall I do with you?” 

“His name’s Hugo, Missy,” the Doctor corrected. 

“I’m respecting his wishes, Doctor and Eotf is easier to get your gums around than Emperor of the Fairies.” 

The Doctor nodded his head, for once conceding to Missy’s logic. Before he could say anything, however, Hugo- or rather Eotf, hiccupped and sent the remnants of his earlier feed spewing over Missy’s blouse. The Doctor held his breath, fully expecting Missy to erupt in a torrent of fury. In days gone by, there wouldn’t be much left of the being that had just dared to do that to the Mistress. To the Doctor’s surprise, though, Missy didn’t so much as raise her voice. Instead, she hummed consolingly and hauled Eotf up gently by his under arms. 

“Poor lamb,” Missy cooed. “Did Mr. Grumpy not wind you properly? You’d think he’d know better given he once had a whole litter of his own. Then again, that was many moons ago and I often think his brain has been replaced by a sieve. Never mind, let’s get you all cleaned up.”

The Doctor watched in awe, the insults rolling off his back one by one as he watched his oldest friend tend to a baby. And not just any baby, a human one. Had she always been this maternal? 

XXXXXXXX

The evening had passed in a relaxed blur, time moving not too fast and not too slow as the two Time Lords fell into an odd domesticity. Missy had delighted in playing with the baby, smiling brightly at his innocent belly laughs and carefully feeding him his bottle. Now, as midnight approached, she had tired out with the baby and fallen into a light sleep. Eotf (Hugo, the Doctor reminded himself. He couldn’t go changing the baby’s name) was snuggled against Missy, one tiny hand curled around a loose strand of hair that had fallen out from its constraints. It seemed a shame to disrupt the scene, but the Doctor knew he had to. Hugo’s mother would be picking him up soon and it wouldn’t do for him to be AWOL. Carefully, so as not to disrupt either of them too much, the Doctor stood and tried to extract Hugo from Missy’s firm grip. He’d hoped to do so without waking the Time Lady, but it was no use. As soon as Hugo’s weight was lifted from her chest, Missy’s eyes shot open accusingly. 

“I have to take him back to his mam, Missy,” the Doctor whispered.

He was keen to keep at least one of the recently woken from crying and Hugo seemed like the easiest option. Missy’s eyes were already welling with tears. 

“Please can I—”

Missy cut herself off as she realised how ridiculous her request would seem. She couldn’t ask to keep a baby as though he were a stray dog. Not wanting the Doctor to see her cry, Missy stood up and disappeared into the bathroom. The noise of running water echoed out. The Doctor lingered, considering staying before thinking better of it and retreating up the stairs. 

XXXXXXXX

The Doctor returned a few days later, wary of how he would find Missy. According to Nardole, she had been quiet and almost contemplative but that hadn’t stopped her throwing things at him. To the Time Lord’s surprise, Missy seemed none of those things as he entered the Vault and found her playing a jolly piece at the piano. Her back was straight but her movements fluid, moving with all the grace of a concert pianist. If he didn’t know better, he’d have thought she hadn’t seen him. As it were, he did know better. Without turning to face him, Missy greeted him with a casual air.

“Hello stranger, baby duties keep you busy?”

“Something like that,” the Doctor replied, approaching Missy and taking a seat next to her on the piano bench. “You know what they’re like.”

“I do,” Missy agreed. “He was sweet. Not the scrummiest one I’ve ever seen but definitely passable on the baby chart.”

“You seemed quite taken by him,” the Doctor commented. “Missy, you knew I was never going to let you keep him, didn’t you?”

“Of course I did,” Missy hissed incredulously. “What do you take me for?”

“You were quite tearful at the end of the night,” the Doctor ventured. “I didn’t …Its been a long time since I’ve seen you care for something like that.”

“But it feels like yesterday. Omega, I loved your kids.”

The Doctor licked his dry lips and coughed.

“And I loved your daughter, Missy.” 

The pair fell into a contemplative silence, Missy’s hands stilled atop the keys and the music stopped. 

“Will you bring him back one day to see the mad woman in the box?”

The Doctor laughed and nodded, lowering his head to Missy’s shoulder and pressing a kiss behind her ear. 

“Promise I will.”

“And Doctor,” Missy asked quietly.

“Mhmm?”

“When were you going to tell me you’d gone viral?” She asked, jest returning to her lilted voice. “Honestly, I’ll tell you what I told Walt, I’ve already trademarked Professor Poppins so back off.”


End file.
